TRACTOR UNABLE
TO PLOUGH OUT FIRST RESULT
October 18th
2004
A disappointing
start to Tractor’s reign in a 2-2 draw with Phil N-B’s Tractor Boys.
Johnnie for
scored both and to Mossy expertly set them both up.
A furious
James Purnell said afterwards, “To ignore the outright failure to win against an otherwise useless opposition perpetuates
the cloud of dishonesty which loitered over both teams.
We both should have had penalties - and the score should have been
10-2 to the Vipers. I
blame the absent gaffer (Sven).
Team:
Olly Battersby;
Henry Moss,
Tris Hanson, James Purnell, Christian Kenny, Ed Knight, Alex Clayton, Josh Wilkins, Alex Baily, Dave de Maupeou, Tractor &
Olly Fetiveau.
NEW GAFFER
APPOINTED
September
30th 2004
Vipers FC
Chairman, Simon Cadbramovich, today appointed Ed ‘Tractor’ Tremayne as player-manager. Ed will resume all responsibilities
with immediate effect.
VIPERS 2
STRAGGLERS 5
September
26th 2004
It was the
ending we all wanted. On his last game in charge, before moving to Sydney,
the Vipers succumbed to their first ever defeat to bitter rivals, the Stragglers.
Admittedly
a number of the Stragglers goals were disputable and probably offside but this wasn’t an excuse for a Vipers side found
wanting. The usually so effective Josh Wilkins was found wanting in the middle of the park and clearly not fit.
Both Vipers
goals were strikes from Christian Kenny. The second a run onto a long range pass from the Gaffer.
To add to
the Gaffer’s misery he limped off with 5 minutes to go with a dead leg and will require phsyio.
SHOCK NEWS:
GAFFER DEPARTS COMPANY WITH VIPERS
Chairman
describes split as “amicable”
September
22nd 2004
Almost in
tears, Sven Goram Cadbury, today announced that, after 8 years at the helm, he was leaving Vipers FC. He told reporters that
he had been offered a chance to take up a lucrative role in setting up a Sydney
based football team - the Viperoos. The Viperoos will be taking part in a lucrative new soccer league in Australia. Sven overcame competition from Terry Venables for
the post.
Sven’s
contribution to the Vipers has been massive. In his eight years he has led the team on numerous triumphs both home and abroad.
The pinnacle of his career came in 2002 when in back to back games, the Vipers thrashed Arthurs Feet, Inter Pun, the Stragglers
and Real B.
Vipers Chairman,
Simon Cadbramovich, described the split as “amicable”. He said that they were gutted to be losing such a leader
but even the Vipers cannot stand in the way of such a loyal servant. He added that the hunt for a successor would start immediately.
Sven
will take charge of the Vipers for his last game on Sunday.
PRESS CONFERENCE
TODAY
September
21st 2004
Vipers FC
will be holding a press conference today at 4pm to make a statement on personnel changes at Vipers FC. Full details will be
available on this website from 5pm.
VAN WEZEL
RETURNS
September
6th 2004
Following
a bust up with PSV boss,
GAFFER TIES
THE KNOT
August 7th
2004
In a star
studded ceremony, Vipers Manager, Sven Goram Cadbury today finally wedded long term girlfriend Nancy De-OJio. The location
of the wedding was meant to be a secret but a swarm of photographers found outside Nancy’s
parental home in Shropshire meant that the press had second guessed the location.
Nancy, wearing a stunning Purple
wedding dress, looked ravishing next to Sven in a Giorgio Armani White suit. Full details of the wedding should be in next
week’s Hello magazine.
